Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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