I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
