the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
