i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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