too bad you live with your parents still
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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