"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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