guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
