You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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