Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
