so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
