Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
