I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
