apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
