I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize