guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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