I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
