I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
