I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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