Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
