I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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