Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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