i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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