it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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