No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
