he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
