I want to stick my p in your. b.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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