I am puke
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
