I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
