My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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