I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
