Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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