He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
