you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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