I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
