im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
