I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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