Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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