if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
