On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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