But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
