Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need a beard to bite.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
