No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
