This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
