It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
