she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
