I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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