If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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