its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
