I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
