Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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