Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
