Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
