he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
