It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
