I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
