hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
