He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
