Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize