puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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