I just pynch a tree in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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