i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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