one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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