If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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