Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
