I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize