I got chris browned last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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