Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
