Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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