If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
