You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
