I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
