tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
