life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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