How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
