It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
