Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
