I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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