I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
