Michael Bay diarrhea
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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