The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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