Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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