Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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