on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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