My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
