Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize